17 posts from July 2009

Fri 31st July 09, 5pm

Every year I go through exactly the same thing with my tax self assessment :-

1. Tax Self Assessment form hits the letterbox in its sinister brown envelope.
2. Have a panic attack and hide it at the bottom of the Inbox for 11 months, trying not to make eye contact with it.
3. Decide this is the year to face my fears and complete it myself.  It's only numbers, dammit!
4. Read through the form and suffer a major panic attack.  Seem to have become dyslexic after opening the form, and have no clue what to enter in any of the boxes designed to hold digits.
5. With two weeks left to the deadline -- amid sinister TV adverts warning of grave penalties -- I give in and pay an accountant to do the job for me.
6. Receive a copy of my tax form from the accountants, and it's SOOO obvious how it should have been completed.  IDIOT!  Resolve to complete it next year.

I have just reached step 5 for this tax year.

Over the past few years I've managed to ovecome most of my fears - dentists, vegetables, babies ... even three men in a van doesn't make me hyperventilate any more.  Yet despite being competent at handling my personal finances I still come over all clammy at the mere sight of a tax form.

And thanks to living in both hemispheres I get to repeat the Stupidity Cycle in New Zealand in a few weeks time ...

Fri 31st July 09, 4.30pm

Taken from the BBC News, a "silly season" story of a cat in Devon that takes a daily 11 mile bus ride, which its owner knew nothing about!.  All together now, awww....

Mon 27th July 09, 9.30am

One upside to the Immigration fiasco is that Britain seems to be showing some signs of improvement.  The pimps are starting to pepper my inbox with contract details (though probably at low rates), I've actually seen some sunshine and the fake-Burberry clad hordes of chavs appear to have died away since we were last here.  Here are some of the mundane changes I've spotted since we got back :-

• Quiz show Countdown has been made over and not for the better.  Stale presenters, gaudy set, some freakish guests are dragging it down badly.  Shame, that was one of the few programs we missed in NZ.
• Most of the women appear to be changing into Oompa-Loompahs, that odd shade of orange that only long term sunbed abuse can produce.  This is countered by bleached blonde hair that's almost white.
• Most of the men appear to have joined gyms and are spending most of the time there on the bicep machines - a healthy set of guns, paired with a white singlet, appears to be the fashion choice du jour.
• A ruddy great wind turbine has been erected in the middle of Sutton Fields industrial estate, swirling menacingly like a War of the Worlds children's toy.  For some reason it seems to be visible from EVERYWHERE and spooks me.
• The media are in a frenzy over a clearout of older presenters, claiming ageism.  The most pointless casualty must be Jo Whiley, 15 year veteran of "yoof" station Radio 1, no doubt to be replaced by some barking moron in a neon dress or skinny tie.  Would they be retiring John Peel if he were still alive?  I doubt it.
• Shops are desperate for trade, with everyone employing constant sales to lure in customers.  I've managed to buy a wool suit for £80 and a hi-def camcorder for £100.  Bargains!  The savings won't last long at this rate, though ...
• Everybody hates Gordon Brown.  I've yet to hear an encouraging word from anyone around me or in the  media, the poor feller's considered a Dead Man Walking.  The BBC news appears more interested in knowing Conservative leader David Cameron's opinion on any news stories.   How awful must it be to want a job for 10 years, then be given it just as everything turns to poo?  Blair must laugh himself to sleep watching Newsnight.

Overall my impressions of the place are more optimistic than 9 months ago - I can't quite put a finger on it but despite all the economic depression and grey skies there seems to be an upbeat feeling about the place.  Maybe people have gotten fed up of being angry and depressed and returned to being positive.  Either that or GPs are dishing out anti-depressents like sweets.  Either way it would help cushion the blow if we come back home next Spring.

Mon 27th July 09, 9.15am

It's looking increasingly likely that I'm going to withdraw my application for residency in New Zealand.  We spent half a day last week spending £50 having Wor Lass' marriage and divorce papers reprinted, then scanning and emailing them off to NZ Immigration.

Now -- despite them saying they can't see any reason why the application can't proceed once that paperwork was sorted -- I've received another email from my Case Officer, this time wanting certified copies of my BTEC qualification (an IT course taken in 1992, how useful will that be these days?) and all of my work history!   Even though I've been working in New Zealand for over 2 years and have a permanent job with a top IT firm.

I deleted the first, expletive-ridden response and instead have asked for a meeting to clarify the situation.

I promise you now, if they insist on me going through all my work history and qualifications (I've already given three references and copies of my Microsoft and VMWare exams) I'll tell them to shove it and come back to the UK.   Wor Lass will be devestated.  I hate this soulless Big Brother mentality, and in a country of 4 million people that desperately needs hi-tech skills they're shooting themselves in the jandals.

Right now I don't even want to go back, even though I've just forked out £2,000 on travel ONE WAY.

Fri 24th July 09, 8pm

A pretty good mashup of Nirvana's "Teen Spirit" and Rick Astley's "Never Gonna Give You Up" for your enjoyment.

Tues 21st July 09, 10.15am

One thing I love about technology is the constant progress.  I've just splashed out on a new netbook, and it's TINY!  I have quite girly hands and even I'm having to go back to two fingered typing, the keyboard is that small.  I'm sat in a McDonalds making use of their free wireless Internet, writing this post on what looks like a Fisher Price laptop.  Sometimes my Inner Geek just has to have its way ....

Lappy

Mon 20th July 09, 8.30am

Brief recap of the past 4 days

• Wellington to Auckland - 1 hr
• Auckland to Melbourne - 4 hrs
• Melbourne to Dubai - 13.5 hrs
• Overnight stay in Dubai - priceless
• Dubai to Manchester - 7.5 hrs
• Manchester to Hull - 2.5 hrs
• Quick visit to baby Nephew - awwww
• Sleeeeep
• Walk round Hull city centre - awash with bargains, buxom peroxide blondes and muscly men in singlets and beanies.  Looks like chav couture has waned, thankfully.  Have reserved a netbook and suit to pick up once I've managed to get access to money.
• Sleeeeep

Now we're heading over to Leeds on check on the house, cars & friends.  The sun is out and we've got three weeks ahead of us to enjoy.

Tues 14th July 09, 8.30pm

Spare a thought for these poor gamers, physically afflicted by their addiction to Doom, Quake & Duke Nukem.  A geek tragedy.

Tues 14th July 09, 8.30pm

Have finally finished work, and am looking at the fun end of a full month off work.  Yabba dabba dooooo!!!!!

The packing is done, travel plans organised, Werthers Originals in stock.  We're good to go.   For those readers in the UK we'll see you soon; those in Aotearoa we'll see you again soon (as long as things go to plan!); and for anyone thinking of robbing our house while we're away, we have an All Black housesitting for us so think on.

Mon 13th July 09, 7.40am

It's Embrace Your Geekiness Day!  Today you can shamelessly show off your gadgets and Star Trek: TNG trivia without fear of getting a wedgie ...  

Geek_gang_signs