Wed 27th May 09, 7.45am
I seem to work better as a contractor than when I'm a salary slave. I went permy a couple of weeks ago, to gain stability in these turbulent times and to help the residency application, and already the frustration levels are rising.
The Company mostly develops custom applications for large, mostly Government, clients. Management here have always been susceptible to "business consultants" coming in to help them "postitively brand" "core values" (can you tell I'm not buying this BS?). There's even a "brand temple" of "core values" to help us "align ourselves" with the "corporate vision". [Pause while I wipe the vomit from my lips].
Anyway, an Innovations Board has popped up in the staff kitchen to capture new ideas. One thing I felt the company lacks is a bit of flair to visitors - other high-tech companies I've been to (Oracle, Microsoft, IBM, etc) have futuristic Receptions designed to impress, like the bridge of the Starship Enterprise with brochures. Despite having offices on prime real estate on Wellington's waterfront, our Reception could be for any white collar firm.
So I wrote a suggestion that we should install video screens and highlight some of the tecnology we use and develop.
This morning there was a response which I had to read a couple of times to take in properly. It must have been written by Senior Management.
"We are not a high tech company - we are an innovative business that uses tech only to solve a business problem, otherwise we look like geeks".
WTF?!
Most social interaction here consists of swapping AVIs of Battlestar Galactica or discussing continuity errors in the new Star Trek film - OK, that's mostly me - so I'm confident that we ARE a bunch of geeks. And since when is a business where over half the staff are .Net, Java or VB programmers (or Oracle DBAs) not high tech?
I'm reaching the point in my career where I can't go much further technically (I'm not a clever man) and will have to move into Management. If that's a glimpse into my future - writing braindead comments and clapping along while "high performance management" gurus spout their bullet-pointed crap then I'm going to retrain as a barista.
In the meantime I need to filter out the static and concentrate on the tech where I feel happiest. If anyone needs me I'll be up in the server room muttering.
Sat 23rd May 09, 5.30pm
We lost a friend this week, a lovely Scottish lady called Lily that lived in our apartment block when we were here first time. We've stayed in touch all that time, and regularly broke her out of her maximum security retirement home for a drive or a coffee.
Lily must have been quite a gutsy lady, emigrating from Glasgow to New Zealand by boat in the 1950's, then a gruelling six-week boat trip. She came out here with practically nothing but her best friend for company, and carved a life out for herself as Company Secretary for a major shipping firm in Wellington. She was elegant, funny and good company, and we'll miss her.
Sat 23rd May 09, 5.30pm
Well, it's certainly been an interesting season for Hull City and its long-suffering fans.
The highs of watching the Tigers deservedly beating Arsenal on their own turf; putting three past Man U and getting draws against the 'Pool and Chelski.
But the lows of being at the 5-0 drubbing by Wigan; the post-Christmas slide down the table, made worse by the unsurprising "told you so" of the pundits; and the increasingly erratic behaviour of Phil Brown.
There's a big stink being kicked up about Manchester United's not unreasonable plan to put out a second string side a few days ahead of their Champions League final. Mind you if the boot were on the other foot we'd be howling just as loudly as Shearer. If we win and stay up it's because we had unfair advantage, but if we lose and go down the humiliation is worse. Besides, nobody's mentioned the fact we've been fielding a weakened side since January ;-)
Anyways the match is on over here in New Zealand, so I'll be setting the alarm for 5am Monday morning to catch the action, hoping we can win a last-minute reprieve against relegation. We can't have any complaints if we go down, and once the disappointment dies down it wouldn't be the end of the World, but at least while they're in the Premiership I get to see the odd match on the telly - the Championship doesn't exist over this way. So COME ON THE TIGERS!!
Thu 21st May 09, 3.45pm
Sorry about this, just tickled me. Joke prerequisites: Must have basic awareness of Eastenders and the facts that Ewoks live on the Moon of Endor. On second thoughts maybe if you have to explain yourself it's not that funny?
Thu 21st May 09, 3.45pm (With thanks to Nate, and apologies to any passing Italians and Germans for the stereotyping)
Five Germans in an Audi Quattro arrive at the Italian border.An Italian police officer stops them and says, "Its-a illegal
to putt-a five people in a Quattro!"
"Vot do you mean, itz illegal?" the German drivers asks.
"Quattro means-a four!" the policeman answers.
"Quattro iz just ze name of ze fokken automobilen" the German shouts. "Ze car is dezigned to carry 5 people!"
"You cant-a pull-a that-a one on me!" says the Italian policeman. "Quattro means-a four. You have-a five people in-a your car and you are breaking the law!"
The German driver gets mad and shouts "You ideeiot! Call ze zupervizor over! Schnell! I vant to speak to zumvan viz more intelligence!!!"
"I'm-a sorry" the Italian says, "He cant-a come. He's-a busy with two guys in a Fiat Uno".
Sat 16th May 09, 9am
Have been doing a Red Hat Linux course all week, with a sphincter-threatening lab exam at the end of it. Thankfully I passed, so I'm now officially able to wear a beard and sandals to work!
Tues 12th May 09, 6.45pm
I know it might seem trivial to seeth at the sight of a mere footballer, when there are terrorists and corrupt political leaders wreaking havoc and spreading fear, but I REALLY REALLY loathe Cristiano Ronaldo. Here are the main reasons why.
He's a Show Off
The boy is a prancing show pony on the pitch, like the front end of a pantomime horse attempting dressage. He can't just cut past a defender, he's got to dance around the ball and step over it at least 10 times. The dick. Ryan Giggs has far more class.
He's a Cheat
I can't forgive him for getting Superchav and Shrek-a-like Wayne Rooney sent off in the 2006 World Cup, then winking to a team mate on camera after the referee showed the red card. The fact that Fergie and Manchester United fans -- not to mention Shrek himself -- didn't string him up only fuels my distain for the club.
He's a Miserable Bugger
Despite having the World at his manicured feet and undeniably being very good at kicking an inflated pig's bladder between some wooden posts, the Portuguese prancer constantly has a face like a teenager that's just been unfairly grounded.
If I were in his position, earning more in a week than I currently take home in 3 years, I would be unable to wipe the cheesy grin on my face. I would hire a confectionary van to follow me around, handing out cream buns to everyone I come across, spreading happiness. Not glaring at the World like I've just had my skateboard confiscated. The miserable dick.
He's Defiled Gemma Atkinson
In many ways Gemma is my dream woman. I can forgive her the reputation for caning it, and the Mancunian drawl that sounds like a flat pint of bitter. But I can't get over the fact that Ronaldo has, erm, got over her. It means that, gorgeous and chestically talented as she is, her man filter is fatally flawed. I can't look at her any more. Terrible.
He's Got An Aston Martin
And I haven't. That may be a trivial, shallow reason to hate somebody, but combine it with the other points above and it amplifies the point. He's got a fantastic motor and he's STILL not smiling! Dick dick dick dick dick.
Does this make me a bad person? Do I care? Meh.
Sun 10th May 09, 3pm
I have been mostly :-
- getting my friend Chris a contract at our place, which won't be such a good idea when he gets up and running - the guy's way sharper than I am technically!
- skirting round the subject of rent with same - in the end we came to an agreement in 10 seconds, and now have a rent-paying lodger.
- amused by how Wor Lass is mothering Chris. Poor feller's being hounded day and night, he must feel like he's living at home ... just hope he doesn't start calling me "Dad"!
- having a fun trip up to Auckland for work, with my Sard Afrikan work wife - driving back to Wellington with a van full of hardware, listening to the Lord of the Rings soundtrack and talking geek for hours.
- being overloaded at work and having to write a complex change request on a Saturday morning. Poo.
- starting to get excited about heading back to the UK in July to catch up with folks.
- saddened by the descent of Hull City - back to the Championship next season. Fun while it lasted I guess. At least the folks will see more wins next year.
Sun 10th May 09, 2.50pm
One of the biggest differences in day to day living between the UK and New Zealand is the housing. NZ houses are typically wood constructions and as such can be freezing cold, particularly if they're not insulated and have wooden floors, like our current place. Winter is fast approaching and it's getting cold of an evening - pretty soon I'll be having to break a hole in the ice to have a pee during the night! (Already, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration).
Thankfully the landlords are improving the place two ways - they've bought a heat pump (basically central heating in one big wall-mounted unit) and they've hired a friend to line the underneath of the floorboards with insulation. He's down there right now with a nailgun, popping away, making a right racket.
Will be lovely to get cosy and warm, and not have to leave an oil heater running in every room .... I daren't think about the electricity bill this month.
Fri 8th May 09, 9.15pm
The annual New Zealand Comedy Festival has come around again, and we're taking full advantage. I'm off to see Steve Coogan tomorrow night (Alan Partridge - in the flesh!), plus we're off to see that Chopper character next week and Welsh stand-up Mark Watson in a couple of weeks.
One of the best stand-ups around is Wilson Dixon, a p!ss take of Country & Western singers. As funny as Otis Lee Crenshaw, but not as dark. Here's a sample of his work.
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