Thu 30th April 09, 9pm
Partly because I'm finding the phrase "slap chop" quite funny, but also because they've managed to make a funny rap song out of a stupid ass TV commercial.
Thu 30th April 09, 9.30am
WHO investigators have managed to track down Patient Zero in the Swine Flu pandemic. Please note this is not a good idea, even when drunk. And they don't taste like pork scratchings.
Sun 26th Apr 09, 12.30pm
I have been mostly :-
- Changing into Autumnwear, buying gloves, a scarf and a hat - Wor Lass' verdict? "You look like Benny from Crossroads". Scathing if less than topical.
- Reading "Dawn of the Dumb", a collection of Charlie Brooker's brilliant TV reviews for the Guardian.
- Listening to some of the neglected albums on the iPod.
- Porking up by eating too much crap and not getting much exercise. The gym is calling.
- Shouting at the TV through the Hull v Liverpool match. Stupid Folan, what were you thinking, man?!
- Watching "The Boat That Rocked" - better than the lukewarm reviews. A schmaltz-free Richard Curtis film.
- Learning all about the new features in vSphere, the new version of VMWare's already MS-thrashing hypervisor.
- Chimping out at the inflexible, uncaring beaurocracy that is NZ Immigration. I'll have 'em!
Sun 26th Apr 09, 12.30pm
A quiet week on the T'Internet, but this is fairly interesting, a mashup of news plus music. Found through Graham Linehan's blog.
Thu 23rd April 09, 1.15pm
The company I current work at (via an agency) want to take me on permanently. So I jumped through the many tortuous hoops required to submit a residency application, mentioning that an Immigration-accredited employer wishes to take me on. Does it bump me up the list to get processed sooner? Does it feck. The letter they sent tells me I'll have a case worker assigned within 13 weeks, and that it could take 9 MONTHS to complete.
So since the employer seems to have developed a grudge against contractors they want to take me on sooner rather than later. They ring Immigration who tell him I need to apply for a new visa under Essential Skills.
I download the form and fill it in at the weekend, then rock up to Immigration to wait 20 minutes just to be told that no, I actually need a Variation of Conditions form instead. So I fill that in and wait another 40 minutes to get to the processing guy.
He takes one look at it and says "where is your contract of employment and Employers form?". I take a deep breath and fantasise about strafing the entire staff Arnie-style.
I'm SOOOO close to telling them where to stick it and going back to Broken Britain. At least I can fecking work without having this ordeal to contend with ....
Wed 22nd Apr 09, 12.45pm
I love it when TV replaces swear words with really rubbish alternatives - here's Samuel L being far less offensive in Snakes on a Plane.
Mon 20th Apr 09, 1.45pm
A tip off from my man Wendell, an excellent bit of marketing ahead of the new Star Trek fillum. Upload a photo of yourself and you can see yourself as a Vulcan - it even talks!! Go check out www.trekyourself.com this minute, or you're not a true geek!
Sat 18th Apr 09, 6.30pm
I often despair about the sheer amount of stupidity we humans exhibit. My main consolation is that there are a small number of gifted individuals out there shepherding the rest of us idiots along.
Mind you given some of the utter BS being spouted by some of our esteemed leaders lately I think the chances of the human race ensuring is getting slimmer by the year ...
The Pope: "HIV/AIDS cannot be overcome through the distribution of condoms, which can even increase the problem"
Silvio Berlusconi: "[The Italian earthquake survivors] should consider themselves to be on a camping weekend"
Jacob Zuma, ex-Deputy Prime Minister of South Africa (and widely tipped to become President soon) - had unprotected sex with a woman infected with AIDS, then had a shower to reduce the chances of catching it.
As a wise colleague once told me, "Stupidity is the most abundant element in the Universe".
Sat 18th Apr 09, 6.30pm
Sat 18 April 09, 12pm
I've become concerned lately that I have an abnormal "Hey!" face.
If you work for a large organization you will appreciate the need for a "Hey!" face. There are three groups of people in the workplace, which require different responses when you pass them in the corridor :-
- Friends - this group is easy, you say "Hey", engage in some friendly banter or take the opportunity to pass on some work-related information.
- Strangers - also an easy group, just avoid making eye contact and continue on with your day.
- Acquaintances - this is the difficult group. You know or have worked with these people on a superficial level so they will make eye contact and recognize, but you have no reason to engage with them socially.
For this last group you develop a "Hey!" face. It's a smile / raised eyebrows / head nod combination that communicates friendliness without commitment. There's a "Hey!" shake between both parties as you pass.
I've noticed that when I give my "Hey!" face at work people don't respond in kind. Which means people are either ignorant, or I'm not getting the eyebrow/smile/nod combination correct.
I checked out my "Hey!" face in the mirror and could clearly see that I'm not very good at it. The eyebrows are going up a little too far, indicating surprise, like I've just unexpectedly farted and followed through. The mouth isn't actually curving upwards at the ends, either, chooing to stay horizontal and moving upwards right under my nose. Quite an alarming look really.
How come I've worked in an office for over 20 years and only just realised my "Hey!" face needs serious work? That's quite disturbing. Has this facial abnormality held back my career, as I've gurned at Senior Management in passing?
Is there a support group for this affliction? And how would we acknowledge each other in the street?
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